Vat onslime regn
This is almost impossible however there is a way……………..
1. you need a copy of the VAT certificate showing EFFECTIVE DATE of regn.
2. regd. number of the company
3. address that APPEARS on VAT returns
4. a copy of the last VAT return showing BOX 5 amount
5. oh, and your Vat number
Needless to say u only have to get one of the 5 secrets wrong, and regn fails….grrrr!
and you might need to do all this twaddle as well if not already online with HMRCy……
5. go to government gateway, and register the business as an organization
6. save the screen with the user id
7. annotate on it the password which is always to be abellmorliss
8. use the secrets answers on attached sheet
9. wait for the toot from HMRC to arrive
10. then login again on govt portcullis and authorise aml as agent per attached sheet
Our letter to our clientele runs.....
The government in their infinite wisdom, want us all to join the online community for all statutory communications. This now includes VAT returns. In future this has to be done online unless you are a business with sales less than £100k pa. The deadline for registering is ………..NOW
Sadly the collateral damage is that the ‘customers’ (taxpayers) have to jump through a million teeedious hoops to register for filing VAT.
We as your loyal/trusty/servile advisors will do all the grunt for you, but we need you to sign here………………../email us your consent to a (modest) fee of £200 for doing the extra work for you. You evade this by doing it yourself - you may suffer from Alopecia before completing this successfully.
We warn you in advance that our usual friendly advice service does not include helping you with this unless you agree the fee first – if you do it, we will only charge £195 for the telephone support – and we promise not to laugh at the sound of your screaming at the other end of the phone as you register.
Yours ever obediently
Obadiah Scriggens & Co.
Tuesday, 20 April 2010
Thursday, 25 March 2010
ranting...
The Taxpayers Charter
...it's soooo grate.
Extract from letter sent to Chief Sec to Treasury.
Did i get a reply? guess
You are quoted as endorsing the vacuous Charter recently launched concerning tax-payers. I find it difficult to believe that you have actually read this document, and your endorsement gives the document a veneer of respectability it so really does not deserve.
I set out below the beginnings of a meaningful charter with some hard points in it that would challenge those running HMRC to be genuinely concerned about taxpayers basic rights. This was submitted to the tax website where you are quoted as endorsing the charter ( http://www.taxationweb.co.uk/tax-news/hmrc/hmrc-launch-new-charter.html ).
There is sooooooo little here it is a lie to call it a “Charter”. And the header “what businesses dealing with HMRC can expect from the department” is a laugh. What planet do these suits inhabit? I was hoping for something along the lines of……
HMRC believes in treating taxpayers fairly. In order to achieve this we will:-
1. ensure all tax offices are open between 08.30-18.00 m-f
2. direct access to local vat offices will be restored so that taxpayers can talk to someone about specifics on their business rather than inaccurate chat
3. outside these times national contact centres for each main discipline will take enquiries, and be able to access tax payers records
4. all correspondence received will be at least acknowledged with a specific case officer reference within 14 days of receipt, this will include VAT registrations.
5. no incoming mail will be ignored
6. an email communication system will be installed by xx 2010 for tax payers to communicate with us.
7. The 64-8 form will be re-designed into ‘english’, and allow tax payers to indicate simply which methods of communication and tax areas agents will be authorised for. HMRC will cease the practice of throwing away every other 64-8.
8. All tax departments will publish on the central website an index of telephone numbers, which will include a ‘real’ telephone number so that mobile phone users can call them without it costing a fortune on 0845/0800 numbers. This will include all government departments so that tax payers ACTUALLY get a choice as to whether they ring the landline number or the 0845 number.
9. This will also contain a fax number for each office.
10. All fax machines will be kept operating, the practice of turning them off or having no paper in to fob off taxpayers will cease. When a tax payer rings up and says “your fax machine is not working three times” we will no longer ignore the taxpayer or tell him to “just keep trying”, we will investigate the problem and rectify it without delay.
11. all staff required to have telephone contact with taxpayers will have a good conversational command of English, and be able to express themselves clearly on the telephone, and will have a basic knowledge of UK geography.
12. The pernicious loan shark rates of interest masquerading as “penalties” charged on late vat payments are to be abolished as soon as the regulations can be laid. In future all late payments of tax will attract a uniform late rate of 6% above BOE Base Rate.
13. all telephone systems will no longer refuse calls when busy. The queuing systems will ensure that calls are dealt with on arrival basis not at random. Our target for picking up a call and talking to you is “within 30 secs”. The performance of every tax office against this standard will be published in a national league tenable. If Euston Corporation Tax Office and Sefton Employers PAYE ever get off joint bottom of this table then we will know that real progress is being made.
14. If any caller wishes to make a complaint, our staff will no longer wriggle and squirm to avoid allowing the complaint. They will, without argument, put the person through to a complaints team WHO WILL ACTUALLY BE KEEN TO RESOLVE THE COMPLAINT and (take over the phone) full details and make sure the query is dealt with professionally. Our complaints helpsheet will in future also contain a central complaints contact address/telephone/fax number so that we no longer make it as hard as possible to submit complaints.
15. Our online systems will no longer be “up-graded” across key filing dates e.g. 31st January.
16. our website indexing will be enhanced by faqs that answer REAL questions rather than just puffing out propaganda. If the answer to an faq is ‘no’ then we will tell the truth in future instead of weasling around.
17. We want tax-payers to file everything electronically with us. We are allocating online filing credentials to all tax-payers, and will send these to you. For example so that no one will ever have to fight the onslime VAT system again just to file a vat return. In future all filings will be eeeeasy to do.
In return we expect taxpayers to treat our staff with respect, and deal with them honestly.
I may have a missed a few points?
...it's soooo grate.
Extract from letter sent to Chief Sec to Treasury.
Did i get a reply? guess
You are quoted as endorsing the vacuous Charter recently launched concerning tax-payers. I find it difficult to believe that you have actually read this document, and your endorsement gives the document a veneer of respectability it so really does not deserve.
I set out below the beginnings of a meaningful charter with some hard points in it that would challenge those running HMRC to be genuinely concerned about taxpayers basic rights. This was submitted to the tax website where you are quoted as endorsing the charter ( http://www.taxationweb.co.uk/tax-news/hmrc/hmrc-launch-new-charter.html ).
There is sooooooo little here it is a lie to call it a “Charter”. And the header “what businesses dealing with HMRC can expect from the department” is a laugh. What planet do these suits inhabit? I was hoping for something along the lines of……
HMRC believes in treating taxpayers fairly. In order to achieve this we will:-
1. ensure all tax offices are open between 08.30-18.00 m-f
2. direct access to local vat offices will be restored so that taxpayers can talk to someone about specifics on their business rather than inaccurate chat
3. outside these times national contact centres for each main discipline will take enquiries, and be able to access tax payers records
4. all correspondence received will be at least acknowledged with a specific case officer reference within 14 days of receipt, this will include VAT registrations.
5. no incoming mail will be ignored
6. an email communication system will be installed by xx 2010 for tax payers to communicate with us.
7. The 64-8 form will be re-designed into ‘english’, and allow tax payers to indicate simply which methods of communication and tax areas agents will be authorised for. HMRC will cease the practice of throwing away every other 64-8.
8. All tax departments will publish on the central website an index of telephone numbers, which will include a ‘real’ telephone number so that mobile phone users can call them without it costing a fortune on 0845/0800 numbers. This will include all government departments so that tax payers ACTUALLY get a choice as to whether they ring the landline number or the 0845 number.
9. This will also contain a fax number for each office.
10. All fax machines will be kept operating, the practice of turning them off or having no paper in to fob off taxpayers will cease. When a tax payer rings up and says “your fax machine is not working three times” we will no longer ignore the taxpayer or tell him to “just keep trying”, we will investigate the problem and rectify it without delay.
11. all staff required to have telephone contact with taxpayers will have a good conversational command of English, and be able to express themselves clearly on the telephone, and will have a basic knowledge of UK geography.
12. The pernicious loan shark rates of interest masquerading as “penalties” charged on late vat payments are to be abolished as soon as the regulations can be laid. In future all late payments of tax will attract a uniform late rate of 6% above BOE Base Rate.
13. all telephone systems will no longer refuse calls when busy. The queuing systems will ensure that calls are dealt with on arrival basis not at random. Our target for picking up a call and talking to you is “within 30 secs”. The performance of every tax office against this standard will be published in a national league tenable. If Euston Corporation Tax Office and Sefton Employers PAYE ever get off joint bottom of this table then we will know that real progress is being made.
14. If any caller wishes to make a complaint, our staff will no longer wriggle and squirm to avoid allowing the complaint. They will, without argument, put the person through to a complaints team WHO WILL ACTUALLY BE KEEN TO RESOLVE THE COMPLAINT and (take over the phone) full details and make sure the query is dealt with professionally. Our complaints helpsheet will in future also contain a central complaints contact address/telephone/fax number so that we no longer make it as hard as possible to submit complaints.
15. Our online systems will no longer be “up-graded” across key filing dates e.g. 31st January.
16. our website indexing will be enhanced by faqs that answer REAL questions rather than just puffing out propaganda. If the answer to an faq is ‘no’ then we will tell the truth in future instead of weasling around.
17. We want tax-payers to file everything electronically with us. We are allocating online filing credentials to all tax-payers, and will send these to you. For example so that no one will ever have to fight the onslime VAT system again just to file a vat return. In future all filings will be eeeeasy to do.
In return we expect taxpayers to treat our staff with respect, and deal with them honestly.
I may have a missed a few points?
VAT onslime regn
Vat onslime regn
This is almost impossible however there is a way……………..
1. you need a copy of the VAT certificate
2. regd. number of the company
3. address that APPEARS on VAT returns
4. a copy of the last VAT return as they want the Box 5 figure
Needless to say u only have to get one of the 5 secrets wrong, and regn fails….grrrr!
and you might need to do all this twaddle as well if not already online with HMRCy……
5. go to government gateway, and register the business as an organization
6. save the screen with the user id
7. annotate on it the password which is always to be ploka3018
8. use the secrets answers on attached sheet
9. wait for the toot from HMRC to arrive
10. then login again on govt portcullis and authorise aml as agent per attached sheet
This is almost impossible however there is a way……………..
1. you need a copy of the VAT certificate
2. regd. number of the company
3. address that APPEARS on VAT returns
4. a copy of the last VAT return as they want the Box 5 figure
Needless to say u only have to get one of the 5 secrets wrong, and regn fails….grrrr!
and you might need to do all this twaddle as well if not already online with HMRCy……
5. go to government gateway, and register the business as an organization
6. save the screen with the user id
7. annotate on it the password which is always to be ploka3018
8. use the secrets answers on attached sheet
9. wait for the toot from HMRC to arrive
10. then login again on govt portcullis and authorise aml as agent per attached sheet
CIS is a laugh....
their online filing software broadly accepts anything, as long as you can get a Contractor verified first.
VAT onslime
The government in their infinite wisdom, want us all to join the online community for all statutory communications. This now includes VAT returns. In future this has to be done online unless you are a business with sales less than £100k pa. The deadline for registering is ………..NOW
Sadly the collateral damage is that the ‘customers’ (taxpayers) have to jump through a million teeedious hoops to register for filing VAT.
We as your loyal/trusty/servile advisors will do all the grunt for you, but we need you to sign here………………../email us your consent to a (modest) fee of £100 for doing the extra work for you. You evade this by doing it yourself - you may suffer from Alopecia before completing this successfully.
We warn you in advance that our usual friendly advice service does not include helping you with this unless you agree the fee first – if you do it, we will only charge £95 for the telephone support – we promise not to laugh at the sound of your screaming at the other end of the phone as you register.
Yours ever obediently
Obadiah Scriggens & Co.
Sadly the collateral damage is that the ‘customers’ (taxpayers) have to jump through a million teeedious hoops to register for filing VAT.
We as your loyal/trusty/servile advisors will do all the grunt for you, but we need you to sign here………………../email us your consent to a (modest) fee of £100 for doing the extra work for you. You evade this by doing it yourself - you may suffer from Alopecia before completing this successfully.
We warn you in advance that our usual friendly advice service does not include helping you with this unless you agree the fee first – if you do it, we will only charge £95 for the telephone support – we promise not to laugh at the sound of your screaming at the other end of the phone as you register.
Yours ever obediently
Obadiah Scriggens & Co.
Budget 2010
Government Budget Statement
Spring 2010 – c. number 24
“Securing the Recovery”
Or…..
…..…despite everyone pointing out the iceberg we had just hit amidships, Chancellor of Titanic suggests we should sail on without making repairs as it will all be fine
We set out below comments on the Spring Budget presented by our Chancellor in April 2010. The Budget was as always, waffle by the uninformed (i.e. non-accountants/economists) imposing on the masses what they don’t want.
The good news is that he changed very little, mainly because with a looming election anything complicated will be binned as part of the Dissolution horse-trading to skim through a quick Finance Act before they all collect their pay-offs, and make way for a new lot of chancers.
Thankfully we are not at present being asked to pay back all the ludicrous government borrowing incurred since c. 2000, and now accelerating out of control at an astounding rate. This does show the foolhardiness of borrowing to your limit when the going is good – 1997-2007 – as there is now no cushion to use up when the going gets tough – oh and who was holding the fiscal reins when this was done in our name? - it was Gordon B, who got promoted for his devoted efforts.
Our national debt as a % of gdp should have been running way below the max allowed by our masters in Bruxelles when the going was good, so that we could now notch things up a bit without hysteria in all quarters. Did you know that in the next 5 years the government is going to double the entire extant amount of the government debt i.e. all the money ever borrowed net before.
And yet we quote from ons ( UK Office for National Statistics ) “The public sector recorded deficits between 1991/92 and 1997/98 before moving into surplus in 1998/99. Deficits have been recorded since 2002/03.”
So what went wrong from 02/03+?
We should really be being clobbered by tax increases now for those on over £200k. pa, supported by a massive reining in of the ridiculous levels of government spending which we have incurred over the last few years. Even in this appalling economic situation the government has merely reduced the real rate of growth of government spending, not even halted it. In 2010/11 the Real level of government expenditure is STILL going to rise by yet another 2% above inflation, and even in 2011-12+ it is predicted to rise at 0.8%pa in REAL terms i.e. that plus whatever inflation comes in at each year - encroyable…
When you look through there is no clear statement of how we are going to clear the unbelievable amounts of debt being incurred, really because no one has a clue how we are going to manage it within a vaguely imaginable timeframe.
And the thing we don’t get here is :- what is it that is actually driving this massive PSBR surge for several tax years? Think it through – the dozy banks screwed up biiiig time so we nationalized them / bought shares in them / lent massive amounts of dough to them all amounting to £billions. Yep all fine, but that’s a one-off, what’s pushing the borrowing in 2010/11 onwards?
The only real hope is that the ‘astute investments’ in the bombed-out British banks come good, and we can flog the shares for massive profits in about 5 years time to pay it all off. Otherwise plan B is that we will have a PSDR liability of £10bn. per year for the lifetime of our grandchildren.
Our commentary highlighting the points in the Budget you need to know are here
These notes are subject to change in the light of errors being detected, or facts being found, on government websites ©MMX Abell Morliss Limited.
abell morliss
chartered accountants
accounting for successes
phone +44(0)207 719 8282
fax +44(0)709 230 4642
email at abell AT chartered.org
website http://www.chartered.org
128 Cannon Workshops, Cannon Drive, London E14 4AS
Regulated by the Institute of Chartered Accountants in England & Wales
regd. no. 3517869 regd. office:- Scope House, 18 Clarendon Road, South Woodford, London E18 2AW
Spring 2010 – c. number 24
“Securing the Recovery”
Or…..
…..…despite everyone pointing out the iceberg we had just hit amidships, Chancellor of Titanic suggests we should sail on without making repairs as it will all be fine
We set out below comments on the Spring Budget presented by our Chancellor in April 2010. The Budget was as always, waffle by the uninformed (i.e. non-accountants/economists) imposing on the masses what they don’t want.
The good news is that he changed very little, mainly because with a looming election anything complicated will be binned as part of the Dissolution horse-trading to skim through a quick Finance Act before they all collect their pay-offs, and make way for a new lot of chancers.
Thankfully we are not at present being asked to pay back all the ludicrous government borrowing incurred since c. 2000, and now accelerating out of control at an astounding rate. This does show the foolhardiness of borrowing to your limit when the going is good – 1997-2007 – as there is now no cushion to use up when the going gets tough – oh and who was holding the fiscal reins when this was done in our name? - it was Gordon B, who got promoted for his devoted efforts.
Our national debt as a % of gdp should have been running way below the max allowed by our masters in Bruxelles when the going was good, so that we could now notch things up a bit without hysteria in all quarters. Did you know that in the next 5 years the government is going to double the entire extant amount of the government debt i.e. all the money ever borrowed net before.
And yet we quote from ons ( UK Office for National Statistics ) “The public sector recorded deficits between 1991/92 and 1997/98 before moving into surplus in 1998/99. Deficits have been recorded since 2002/03.”
So what went wrong from 02/03+?
We should really be being clobbered by tax increases now for those on over £200k. pa, supported by a massive reining in of the ridiculous levels of government spending which we have incurred over the last few years. Even in this appalling economic situation the government has merely reduced the real rate of growth of government spending, not even halted it. In 2010/11 the Real level of government expenditure is STILL going to rise by yet another 2% above inflation, and even in 2011-12+ it is predicted to rise at 0.8%pa in REAL terms i.e. that plus whatever inflation comes in at each year - encroyable…
When you look through there is no clear statement of how we are going to clear the unbelievable amounts of debt being incurred, really because no one has a clue how we are going to manage it within a vaguely imaginable timeframe.
And the thing we don’t get here is :- what is it that is actually driving this massive PSBR surge for several tax years? Think it through – the dozy banks screwed up biiiig time so we nationalized them / bought shares in them / lent massive amounts of dough to them all amounting to £billions. Yep all fine, but that’s a one-off, what’s pushing the borrowing in 2010/11 onwards?
The only real hope is that the ‘astute investments’ in the bombed-out British banks come good, and we can flog the shares for massive profits in about 5 years time to pay it all off. Otherwise plan B is that we will have a PSDR liability of £10bn. per year for the lifetime of our grandchildren.
Our commentary highlighting the points in the Budget you need to know are here
These notes are subject to change in the light of errors being detected, or facts being found, on government websites ©MMX Abell Morliss Limited.
abell morliss
chartered accountants
accounting for successes
phone +44(0)207 719 8282
fax +44(0)709 230 4642
email at abell AT chartered.org
website http://www.chartered.org
128 Cannon Workshops, Cannon Drive, London E14 4AS
Regulated by the Institute of Chartered Accountants in England & Wales
regd. no. 3517869 regd. office:- Scope House, 18 Clarendon Road, South Woodford, London E18 2AW
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