Tuesday, 20 April 2010

VAT onslime regn

Vat onslime regn

This is almost impossible however there is a way……………..

1. you need a copy of the VAT certificate showing EFFECTIVE DATE of regn.
2. regd. number of the company
3. address that APPEARS on VAT returns
4. a copy of the last VAT return showing BOX 5 amount
5. oh, and your Vat number

Needless to say u only have to get one of the 5 secrets wrong, and regn fails….grrrr!

and you might need to do all this twaddle as well if not already online with HMRCy……
5. go to government gateway, and register the business as an organization
6. save the screen with the user id
7. annotate on it the password which is always to be abellmorliss
8. use the secrets answers on attached sheet
9. wait for the toot from HMRC to arrive
10. then login again on govt portcullis and authorise aml as agent per attached sheet

Our letter to our clientele runs.....

The government in their infinite wisdom, want us all to join the online community for all statutory communications. This now includes VAT returns. In future this has to be done online unless you are a business with sales less than £100k pa. The deadline for registering is ………..NOW

Sadly the collateral damage is that the ‘customers’ (taxpayers) have to jump through a million teeedious hoops to register for filing VAT.

We as your loyal/trusty/servile advisors will do all the grunt for you, but we need you to sign here………………../email us your consent to a (modest) fee of £200 for doing the extra work for you. You evade this by doing it yourself - you may suffer from Alopecia before completing this successfully.

We warn you in advance that our usual friendly advice service does not include helping you with this unless you agree the fee first – if you do it, we will only charge £195 for the telephone support – and we promise not to laugh at the sound of your screaming at the other end of the phone as you register.

Yours ever obediently

Obadiah Scriggens & Co.

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